I had the opportunity to have two days baby-free. I went to tea with some of my girlfriends yesterday and they lovingly talked me into saying yes. So, I said "Yes". I told Travis that he could take Brody. He was shocked and super excited.
That night I went grocery shopping to get Brody some food and some formula to supplement because I didn't have enough milk stored up. Then the doubts started flooding in...
After going shopping and pulling into the driveway, I freaked out. I walked in and gave Travis "the look". He knew. He said "Let's talk--tell me what you're feeling". Tears. Tears came pouring out and I just sat there. I didn't really know what I was feeling. I told him I was nervous that I'd be sad the whole time. Is that just ridiculous??
I gave him excuse after excuse. "If I had enough milk...", "If I didn't have to sleep alone one night...", "I'm worried about his schedule...", "I don't feel like I NEED two days away from him"... etc.
I even said "What if you both die in a plane crash and I'm left with no one?!"
He told me they were just excuses. He was right. But in the end, I just told him that I wasn't ready.
And do you know what he said?
"I know."
I said "Wait? You knew I'd change my mind?"
"Yep."
"I'm sorry. Do you forgive me?"
"You didn't do anything wrong."
Travis, you're the best.
I know that Brody would have had a blast and been well taken care of. I just wasn't ready to give him up.
Next time, I'll try my best to let go. I mean, really though--look at this face...
Call it what you will--you're probably thinking that I'm crazy for not taking up the opportunity to have two days to myself. And, maybe I am just that--crazy!
Am I just nuts?? Have you gone through something like this? How did you let go?
(Photos were taken on our Indiana trip when Brody tried the swing for the first time!)
i can never let go either! Scarlet has spent two nights away from us- and that was when we were giving birth to Oliver. We always said that wanted to have kids to hang out with them and not to leave them behind for fun outings. (that's what I tell myself when I can't leave them for more than two hours)You love your little guy and see your love as a blessing. He will never have anyone who loves him as much as you do Mom
ReplyDeleteThank you Jen!! That's encouraging. Eventually I know I'll be excited for a little getaway but I'm just not ready! You're a great momma!
DeleteYou'll be ready when you're ready. And you'll still miss him (or them someday) every second. I do think there is a point that the need to spend some time alone or with your spouse will outweigh that, but don't feel bad because you're not at that pressure point yet. :-) It's a good thing!!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree, Jodie! Thank you!! And I would rather spend those two days baby-free with my hubby! I appreciate your encouragement! That's what I told travis--the need to have some alone time doesn't outweigh the stressors for me right now. But, I'm sure one day they will!!:)
Delete